Prey Orbits

It scares me like hell to even think about it.
This feeling, whatever this is,
Makes me do things, feel things, think things.
Things without certainty.

Two years is a long time,
With a thousand miles in between.
A lot of things can happen
And there's nothing I can do but wait.

I do not know how this will turn up.
I do not know if you will ever come back.
But if there's one thing I know,
It's that, you are all worth it.

McSomething

And you know what, I've always seen myself as Christina Yang. A self-absorbed workaholic bitch who always thinks that she's right. That she has to be right. Lives at the hospital to get the best cases and wouldn't settle for being second best. A strong person who seldomly cries and when she does, it's because she is in deep pain and sadness. And that happens almost next to never.


But I was wrong. I was Son-of-a-bitch wrong. 


Because today, I am Meredith Grey. Seriously? Seriously.


I am living in a McWorld with my own McDreamy in it. Here comes the McWife, (or should I say McBoyfriend) and everything gets McMessed up. There's this McDivorce goin on with the elevator thing and a whole lot of McLies.


And yes, just like that, everything that he says, I fall in love McFreakin over and over again.


Yes, I am Meredith Grey. And just like her, I know I am gonna get my own McHappy ending. My own Post-It wedding.

Survival MODE

Wilhelmina Slater (Editor-in-Chief of MODE Magazine) and Betty Suarez (the ex-assistant to Daniel Meade, just got recently promoted as Features Editor) having a conversation at the Meade Publications steam room.

Wilhelmina: Already enjoying the perks, I see?

Betty: Oh! Hello Wilhelmina. It's been uh, a rough day.

Wilhelmina: I hope you're not expecting a pep talk.

Betty: No, no, Oh God, no.

Wilhelmina: Good.

Betty: Uhm, being an editor, It's more complicated than I imagined.

Wilhelmina: Are we really gonna do this? Wake up and smell the aromatherapy, Betty. Being an assistant is bootcamp. Being an editor is war. You have your allies, you have your enemies. Oftentimes you can't tell which is which.

Betty: Sorta feels like I have more enemies than allies right now.

Wilhelmina: (Smiled and made a short chuckle) Yes you do. Oh and by the way, malaria? Really? Like I'd ever put disease written by poor people in the pages of this magazine.

Betty: How did you know about that?

Wilhelmina: I know everything.

Betty: Oh, (paused) how does one survive?

Wilhelmina: You look after yourself. If it means screwing over everyone else, so be it. (Stands up)

Betty: What if you're not that kind of a person?

Wilhelmina: Well then, you change. Or you'll be eaten alive.

Flutter

Napanood mo ba yung movie na "The Butterfly Effect"?

Yung bumabalik si Ashton Kutcher sa nakaraan

Tapos babaguhin nya yung gusto nyang baguhin, itatama nya.

Pero pagbalik nya sa present time, maiiba din.

Tapos manginginig sya at dudugo ang ilong.

Ilang beses na ba natin hiniling na "sana makabalik ako nung... para itama ang ..."

Na sana hindi na lang nangyari yung ganito

Mas mabuti sana kung ito yung pinili ko

Dapat pala nakinig ako sa kanya 

Ano kaya ang naging buhay ko kung ganito yung ginawa ko?

Yung mga ganung factor.

Sabi nga dun sa pelikula

Change one thing. Change everything.

Just Wondering.

Suicide

Isang rason kung bakit tayo nagpapatuloy at nananatili na gawin ang isang bagay ay ang mga sarili nating dahilan.
Kasi masaya.
Kasi masarap.
Kasi madali.
Kasi maayos.
Kasi mahal ko sya.
Kasi 
Kasi
Kasi


Pero ang pinaka-olats sa lahat, yung ginagawa mo ang isang bagay na hindi mo alam kung para saan.
Maski wala ng dahilan.
Maski wala ng rason.
Pero nanatili at nagpatuloy ka pa rin.


Para kang nakipag truth or dare
Pinaikot ang bote
Sa iyo tumapat.
Pinili mo ang dare kasi ayaw mong malaman nila kung sino ang crush mo.
Inutusan kang tumalon sa building.
At sumunod ka naman.

CHRONO CROSS

Thus the curtain closes on another tale,

An eternity has passed.

Fleeting dreams fall into the distance...

All that is left now is me and my memories

But I'm sure we'll meet again,

Someday, You and I

Another place, another time

It's just that we might not realize that you are you and I am me

Let us open the door to the great unknown,

Come across another reality and live another today...

Even when the story has been told,

Life goes on..

Hey Mean Girl

How are you? I noticed you've changed. A lot, actually.

You've been flirting a little more than usual even when you're on a date.

Complaining about your job and how exhausting it is while others struggle to get one.

Breaking hearts here and there.

Forgiveness seems a very hard thing for you to give away lately.

It looks like money is all that matters to you now.

How you look, how people are gonna see you, what they're gonna say.

You smile when others compliment you.

You think about those things pretty much all the time.

Loud music, drinking on an empty stomach, dancing.

That's your thing, I get it.

It seems like a very nice escape.

Especially when you're covering something up - your loneliness.

But hey, mean girl, never forget who you are.

How many friends you have, how many people like you because you're just... you.

How simple and funny you are even without the expensive things you buy.

That's how you earned your friends. By being who you are.

And yes, you may have been played and fooled and hurt by some guys.

But never make that a reason to become evil and to hate.

There's someone out there.

You two just haven't met yet.

Keep that in mind.

You know what, you might want to take a break.

Look away from those blinding lights.

Stop being a Regina George, her hair color wouldn't match your skin tone.

Forget about that LV bag you want, and start paying your credit card down.

Turn the music volume down and listen to your friends.

Time to get your feet back on the ground, missy.

Gambling Lord

Kapag sumugal ka,


Walang kasiguruhan na mananalo ka.


Kasi, yung iba mandaraya.


Yung iba, maswerte. Unang taya pa lang, jackpot na.


Iba naman, ilang ulit munang matatalo bago manalo.


May mga pagkakataon na kakabigin ng iba ang lahat ng taya mo, at wala ng bumalik sayo.


Pero ang mahalaga, magtira ka ng pantaya.


Wag mong itodo pati pato.


Para kung matalo ka man, may pantaya ka pa sa susunod.


Baka sakaling swertehin ka na.


Malay mo.

Anong Gusto Mong Maging Paglaki Mo?

Naaalala mo ba nung bata ka?
Ang pinaka big deal na sayo eh kung makakakuha ka ba ng regalo mula kay Santa Claus.
O di naman kaya eh iiyak ka ng malakas, maski maraming tao pagka di ka binili ng laruan. 
Minsan naman, namomroblema ka kasi pinapatulog ka na ng nanay mo maski ayaw mo pang matulog.
Kapag may nakagalit ka na kalaro mo, ilang minuto lang bati na ulit kayo.
Kung tamarin kang pumasok sa eskwelahan, nagcucutting classes ka pa.
Ang tanging bagay na kinatatakutan mo ay ang white lady, manananggal, tiyanak, etc.




Pero hindi tayo habambuhay na bata.
Lumilipas ang panahon, at napakabilis nito na hindi mo namamalayan, tinutubuan ka na ng buhok sa kung anumang bahagi ng katawan mo.




Tumatanda tayo. At kasama neto ang responsibilidad. Hindi lang sa sarili mo, sa ibang tao, sa sitwasyon, sa pamilya mo. Mapapansin mo,
Ang pinaka big deal sayo eh kung may trabaho ka ba, kung may sinesweldo ka ba, kasi dun ka na kukuha ng ipangbubuhay mo sa sarili mo at sa pamilya mo.
O di naman kaya eh iiyak ka ng patago, kasi nasaktan ka, o nakasakit ka, o napakabigat ng problema mo.
Minsan naman, mamomroblema ka kung paano ka hahanap ng oras para makatulog, puro trabaho.
Kapag nakagalit mo ang kaibigan mo, patatagan kung sino ang unang mag sosorry. Minsan inaabot ng taon, minsan wala ng pag asang magka ayos.
Kung tamarin kang pumasok sa opisina, wala kang choice. Papasok ka pa rin. Kailangan kumita.
Ang tanging bagay na kinatatakutan mmo eh yung mawala ang mga mahal mo sa buhay.




Ang bilis ng takbo ng oras. Nung mga bata tayo, nagmamadali tayong lumaki para magawa na natin ang gusto natin at maging malaya. Yung walang magulang na sasaway satin at magbabawal.


Ngayon, hinihiling natin minsan na bumalik na lang sa pagkabata para magaan lang ang buhay at walang problema, walang pasakit. At hihilingin pa natin minsan na sana andyan si nanay at tatay para may matakbuhan tayo.


Panahon nga naman.

Ganun Talaga

Kadalasan madami tayong tanong na ang hirap hanapan ng sagot.


May mga pangyayari  na ang hirap hanapan ng paliwanag kung bakit nangyari.


May mga kamalasan na nangyayari na pwede namang hindi na lang nangyari, pero nangyari pa rin.


Tatanungin natin kung bakit nangyari.


Sa sarili natin, sa mga kakilala natin, sa mga kaibigan natin.


Magtanong man tayo ng walang humpay, walang makakasagot.


Sasabihin lang nila,


"Ganun talaga."


Tapos tatahimik ka na.


Kasi, ganun lang talaga.

Rain or Shine

We are entitled to express whatever emotions we cannot contain to ourselves.

Oftentimes we use our mouths and say silly/funny/stupid words.

Shout. Cry. Laugh. Complain. Rant. Curse.

And more often than not, people who witness these are our friends.

Whether it be madness or just plain stupidity that they've seen,

They're still gonna be there.

Real friends don't judge. They just, remain as your friends after everything.

I am just thankful I have a lot.

Knock Knock

Minsan, kapag nananahimik tayo sa buhay, yung tipong nasanay ka na sa mga ginagawa mo araw araw dahil ilang taon ka na ring ganun at kabisado mo na ang takbo ng araw mo ay okay ka na dun. Akala mo okay ka na ng  ganun.

Tapos biglang may darating, iibahin ang takbo ng mga bagay bagay sa buhay at paligid mo. Mag iiba ang routine mo sa araw araw, kasi kasama na sya sa araw araw mo.

Papasayahin ka.

Tapos, 

biglang 

aalis.

Pagkaalis nya, bakit ang hirap hirap ng bumalik sa punto ng buhay mo nung bago sya dumating? Eh samantalang ilang taon ka namang nabuhay ng wala sya.

It Was You

When you invited me to go out on a date, I said yes.

I remember how cold the coffee has gotten before I arrived.

And when you smiled,

it changed everything.

Because from there and then on, I felt butterflies.

I fell for the sweet words and kind gestures,

I can even say that I felt love in that instant.

We were high, nothing else existed but us.

It's as if we were drowning with the strong feeling,

and not fighting back.

Yes, it was perfect. It was very beautiful

but only for a moment.

It seemed to us that it was going to last forever.

Or at least for me, it did.

Because, like, every dream, it had to end.

I found out in a not-so-pleasant way how you bluffed.

How you played

and how you faked.

It's as if I was stabbed.

And I had no choice but to walk away.

I never looked back.

It was it. The end of us.

I thought what I did was the right thing

Walking away and not looking back

but thoughts of you haunt me every night

and follows me through the day, every damn day.

The attempt to have a relationship failed.

One after the other.

It kind of occurred to me that I was finding "you" in them.

There was never you in them.

They will never be you.

You were a rare find.

An angel to my eyes.

Heartless.

Three years gone.

Looking up the sky, I told myself

that I would be okay.

Just like this.

Loving you deeply still. Even if no one else knows.

Even if you do not know.

Because for me, what matters is yesterday.

With you in it.

With your smile on it.

Closing Circles, Shutting Doors

There come some times when something reaches its end. Or it always happen - the end. Whether it be a difficult task that has finally been done after an immeasurable amount of hardship, a long-searched dream that has been found, waiting, agony, holding on, even life itself. Time may be there to always tell whether or not something is done. Or we oftentimes do it ourselves.

When something unpleasant happens, most likely we would blame ourselves and couldn't help but wonder what might have been if you were just able to think clearly that time to make the right decision. We hold on to the fact that, it is still not too late to change it, that there is still something we could do to make it right. But most of the time there isn't.

See, holding on to something consumes much part of you. Because in holding on, you beg and you ask, you dream and you think that there is still something that you can do. We are not superheroes.

We say that time heals. It does, as a matter of fact. But don't be too lazy to leave all the action to time. We should also do our part. Acceptance, for example, is a good start. Accept that there's nothing you can do to change the past. It has already happened and you did the best you could. When you are facing your shortcomings, do not forget the person you once are before that failure or ugliness occurred. Forgetting who we are and how good we used to be is a big monster that eats us alive.

Forgiveness to oneself may be too much to ask, because we always inject into our minds that it could have not happened if it were not because of your fault. We blame ourselves. Then again, would blaming yourself help? Certainly not.

See, moving on is a process. Letting go is a long road. You could not be hurt and be okay in an instant. It is very rare that it happens. Quick fixes may always be there, and life may throw you an easy way out. It's your call. You may be able to get out of the ugliness that fast, but ask yourself. Would you be helping yourself if you are going to escape?

It will come. And you owe it to yourself to at least go through the agony, for when the day comes, you can tell yourself that YOU LEARNED.

Crossover

Just a few more hours, and 2010 will be part of everyone's yesterday. Then many others are busy thinking of resolutions and things to change along with the 2010 plus 1 and all that. They say that the changing of year will  give us all a new beginning and a new life. Like a rebirth or something.

It's just a state of mind.

Every damn day we are being given countless chances to change. To start again. A new breath of life as we wake up. That's one thing to be thankful for. We don't need the calendar to count 365 more days before we start to change our ways. Or begin something. It is always just up to us.

The New Year always reminds us that there's a new set of 365 mornings to wake up on and 365 chances to maximize and make the most out of it.

So, let's begin. Shall we?

Blink Blink

I dunno why, but Christmas Season gets me uplifted. Seems like a hundred and fifty percent boost in my mood, making me worry-free and all. What is this, a fetish, perversion, whatever? It has got something to do with the Christmas lights and huge decors that I see. Add to that the cold weather even on afternoons. Sarap. Past three years, I've been used to spending the Holidays at work, petiks lang because there's not much calls coming in. But this year, I got lucky to have the 24th and the 25th, plus the 31st and the 1st as my rest days. Yun nga lang, I kind of think it as sayang not to work during those days because of  the holiday premiums, but it's okay, I kind of miss it staying at home and spend it with family.

It has been my kind-of-tradition to on-purposely gain weight during the holidays, extend it until February and just eat. But we will see this time. I am working out lately and been conscious about my figure (naks). Speaking of "we will see this time", I know that things have rapidly changed around me in the past 2 years. It includes my way of relating to people, handling sort of  things, and all. So we will see this time what resolutions I am going to make and which ones I am going to break. Haha!

But hey, even if I know that I am short on budget and I am still going to buy gifts for friends and family, inaanaks as well, I see that I am going to be just fine knowing that these people put smile on my face.

It's Christmas so better yet be jolly!

Giving Thanks

As my Facebook status says:


If  there's one thing that I learned from what happened, it's that God was just showing me all the friends He gave me.


'Tis Thanksgiving after all, so I might as well say thanks to the people, whom in my dark and twisted days, have extended their hands and never asked for the juicy details. They just knew how to become a friend to a friend.


I may call some of them kapatid, mars, pards, manong, TM, J, Bie, Ms, bek, badet, whatever else. It just sums up to one thing. Friends.


Thank you!

Babylon

Whenever I am dead bored, it's either I surf the Internet and Google up whatever pops in my mind, or I buy some DVDs and do a marathon of it. Since I am injured and I have so many time home alone, I decided to re-run my copy of Queer as Folk (a gay-themed American series).

I remember when I bought this copy a few years back, it was the time when I just told my parents that I was gay. I was already hearing about this series from some gay friends that I knew from the Internet (since I was never really out before I did) and I got curious why this title seemed so popular.

Before I came out to my parents, I never really told anyone about me liking boys. Sure, I can sense some friends and schoolmates thinking of me being like that, whispering about me, and find myself eluding whenever the topic is being brought up. Being gay is one thing, and living a gay life is a lot of things.

So, going back, I inserted the CD to the player, and...

There was an abundance of hot sex scenes, gorgeous male bodies, dancing, and more dancing. But as each episode go after the other, richness in color of each character starts to blend with the others. And I must say, as a gay man who can relate to this series, it'll start to paint you with the colors of the rainbow as well.

Not only this series focused on being gay as a person. It also gave emphasis on the social and political issues concerning the LGBT (lesbian, gay, bisexual and trans gender) community, as well as the things and circumstances that are enclosed on being such.

Each character on this show has their own shares on how to give life to the colorful (and sometimes unimaginable) circumstances that could happen to a person of the third sex.

Whether you're a gay man hiding in the closet, a bisexual male sneaking around and watching cute boys when your girlfriend is not looking, a cross-dresser, a lesbian couple, a mother with a gay son, this series will give you the courage to accept yourself or the people whom you least thought was gay, make you proud of yourself, and embrace who you really are.

The Boat isn't Sinking

Some of the reasons why Paolo Coelho is my most beloved author of all time.

He wrote:

"On the way, I meet strong currents, winds and storms, but I keep rowing, exhausted, knowing that I have drifted away from my chosen course and that the island I was trying to reach is no longer on my horizon. I can't turn back though." - THE ZAHIR

"You should try all wines - of some, take only a sip, of others, drink the whole bottle. How can you distinguish one from the other? By taste. Only someone who has tasted sour wine can recognize good wine." - BRIDA

"Whenever you want to achieve something, keep your eyes open, concentrate and make sure you know exactly what it is that you want. No one can hit their target with their eyes closed." - THE DEVIL AND MISS PRYM

Thank you, Sir.

Return To Work Order

See, I haven't been going to work since last week. Been absent for 9 consecutive days now and still planning on not returning. I am still torn between whether or not to continue working in the company I am currently in, considering some circumstances. Thoughts of maybe looking for another place and nature of business to work in are coming in. 

Chances are:

• I may find another job and have a normal schedule with days off on the weekends, but end up being paid so little. (I work in a call center environment, so the perks are frickishly awesome!)
• I can bear being paid less than what I get now if I find a job nearby home, save on travel time and expenses, but also make a cut on the lifestyle I've already been used to.
• Continue working in the current company I am with, but dread every damn day of dragging myself to going to that place - travel time, by the way, is 2 and 1/2 hours going to, and another 2 and 1/2 hours back. Or,
• I can just accept and adjust to the fact that things change, things happen, and not everything and everyone would be to my favor. 

Is it what you call 'laziness'? Or have I just had enough?