Crossover

Just a few more hours, and 2010 will be part of everyone's yesterday. Then many others are busy thinking of resolutions and things to change along with the 2010 plus 1 and all that. They say that the changing of year will  give us all a new beginning and a new life. Like a rebirth or something.

It's just a state of mind.

Every damn day we are being given countless chances to change. To start again. A new breath of life as we wake up. That's one thing to be thankful for. We don't need the calendar to count 365 more days before we start to change our ways. Or begin something. It is always just up to us.

The New Year always reminds us that there's a new set of 365 mornings to wake up on and 365 chances to maximize and make the most out of it.

So, let's begin. Shall we?

Blink Blink

I dunno why, but Christmas Season gets me uplifted. Seems like a hundred and fifty percent boost in my mood, making me worry-free and all. What is this, a fetish, perversion, whatever? It has got something to do with the Christmas lights and huge decors that I see. Add to that the cold weather even on afternoons. Sarap. Past three years, I've been used to spending the Holidays at work, petiks lang because there's not much calls coming in. But this year, I got lucky to have the 24th and the 25th, plus the 31st and the 1st as my rest days. Yun nga lang, I kind of think it as sayang not to work during those days because of  the holiday premiums, but it's okay, I kind of miss it staying at home and spend it with family.

It has been my kind-of-tradition to on-purposely gain weight during the holidays, extend it until February and just eat. But we will see this time. I am working out lately and been conscious about my figure (naks). Speaking of "we will see this time", I know that things have rapidly changed around me in the past 2 years. It includes my way of relating to people, handling sort of  things, and all. So we will see this time what resolutions I am going to make and which ones I am going to break. Haha!

But hey, even if I know that I am short on budget and I am still going to buy gifts for friends and family, inaanaks as well, I see that I am going to be just fine knowing that these people put smile on my face.

It's Christmas so better yet be jolly!

Giving Thanks

As my Facebook status says:


If  there's one thing that I learned from what happened, it's that God was just showing me all the friends He gave me.


'Tis Thanksgiving after all, so I might as well say thanks to the people, whom in my dark and twisted days, have extended their hands and never asked for the juicy details. They just knew how to become a friend to a friend.


I may call some of them kapatid, mars, pards, manong, TM, J, Bie, Ms, bek, badet, whatever else. It just sums up to one thing. Friends.


Thank you!

Babylon

Whenever I am dead bored, it's either I surf the Internet and Google up whatever pops in my mind, or I buy some DVDs and do a marathon of it. Since I am injured and I have so many time home alone, I decided to re-run my copy of Queer as Folk (a gay-themed American series).

I remember when I bought this copy a few years back, it was the time when I just told my parents that I was gay. I was already hearing about this series from some gay friends that I knew from the Internet (since I was never really out before I did) and I got curious why this title seemed so popular.

Before I came out to my parents, I never really told anyone about me liking boys. Sure, I can sense some friends and schoolmates thinking of me being like that, whispering about me, and find myself eluding whenever the topic is being brought up. Being gay is one thing, and living a gay life is a lot of things.

So, going back, I inserted the CD to the player, and...

There was an abundance of hot sex scenes, gorgeous male bodies, dancing, and more dancing. But as each episode go after the other, richness in color of each character starts to blend with the others. And I must say, as a gay man who can relate to this series, it'll start to paint you with the colors of the rainbow as well.

Not only this series focused on being gay as a person. It also gave emphasis on the social and political issues concerning the LGBT (lesbian, gay, bisexual and trans gender) community, as well as the things and circumstances that are enclosed on being such.

Each character on this show has their own shares on how to give life to the colorful (and sometimes unimaginable) circumstances that could happen to a person of the third sex.

Whether you're a gay man hiding in the closet, a bisexual male sneaking around and watching cute boys when your girlfriend is not looking, a cross-dresser, a lesbian couple, a mother with a gay son, this series will give you the courage to accept yourself or the people whom you least thought was gay, make you proud of yourself, and embrace who you really are.

The Boat isn't Sinking

Some of the reasons why Paolo Coelho is my most beloved author of all time.

He wrote:

"On the way, I meet strong currents, winds and storms, but I keep rowing, exhausted, knowing that I have drifted away from my chosen course and that the island I was trying to reach is no longer on my horizon. I can't turn back though." - THE ZAHIR

"You should try all wines - of some, take only a sip, of others, drink the whole bottle. How can you distinguish one from the other? By taste. Only someone who has tasted sour wine can recognize good wine." - BRIDA

"Whenever you want to achieve something, keep your eyes open, concentrate and make sure you know exactly what it is that you want. No one can hit their target with their eyes closed." - THE DEVIL AND MISS PRYM

Thank you, Sir.

Return To Work Order

See, I haven't been going to work since last week. Been absent for 9 consecutive days now and still planning on not returning. I am still torn between whether or not to continue working in the company I am currently in, considering some circumstances. Thoughts of maybe looking for another place and nature of business to work in are coming in. 

Chances are:

• I may find another job and have a normal schedule with days off on the weekends, but end up being paid so little. (I work in a call center environment, so the perks are frickishly awesome!)
• I can bear being paid less than what I get now if I find a job nearby home, save on travel time and expenses, but also make a cut on the lifestyle I've already been used to.
• Continue working in the current company I am with, but dread every damn day of dragging myself to going to that place - travel time, by the way, is 2 and 1/2 hours going to, and another 2 and 1/2 hours back. Or,
• I can just accept and adjust to the fact that things change, things happen, and not everything and everyone would be to my favor. 

Is it what you call 'laziness'? Or have I just had enough?

24

I once had a shirt that says, "Aging means perpetually being in your mid-20s". At that time I first read that I didn't even know what that meant.

See, in a couple of days I'll be turning 24. Not that am excited about my birthday, nor not excited. Whatever. It is just a regular and ordinary day for me when my age gets a plus one. I'm kind of not a big fan of my own birthday celebration; I just like attending somebody else's.

A bit surprising, though, that people are asking me what my plans are for that day. I am not used to that. I mean I'm not used to people remembering that day for me.

But I am thankful.

WISHLIST

Glitters

** If there's one wish that you would be given the chance to ask for, what would it be? Not that you would also be given the certainty that it would be granted, but just the chance to ask for it. Would you jump on it even if at the back of your head you're thinking "what for? I wouldn't be sure to get it anyway."

** Was there ever a chance that you have liked something or someone so much - the kind of like that would get you bitten crazy it creates flutters in your tummy - and did nothing about it out of fear?

** You closed your eyes and trusted. You thought that it was it. Gave yourself so much faith you had to leap just to be able to do so. Indestructible for a moment, may also take quite a while. Your eyes were closed when you gave it, and now you're thinking what is it going to be like when you open them because for the longest time you have been seeing nothing, just feeling.

** Something happens. It gave you the high. You now adapt, change, grow, whatever else. It is making you think and feel it would be permanent. Then that something suddenly and unexpectedly becomes over and had to walk out, go. You are now being forced to unlearn. And everything else now seems so hard to live by from then and there on.

** What if the world was made of thin hard glass? Everytime you touch it, it gives you answers more reliable than what google does. Easy, ain't it? But it would surely be not worth it.

Weekend

Three things that I always keep in mind:

(a) There are so many things nowadays that will give you a quick fix - coffee, Advil, booze, etc. But for me, two things will surely make you okay and stay that way for the longest time possible. Friends and a clean conscience.

(b) Traffic, sometimes, is a blessing in disguise. It allows you to stare blankly at those lights, and just breathe.

(c) Shit happens. Problems arise. People leave. We get hurt. There are so many things that we may complain and bitch about every damn day, but just being alive is one hell of a thing to be thankful for. And we should never forget that.

Seriously.

Staind

It's been a while, eh? Geez, the last blog that I've posted was dated February. Haha. It's time for a new one, I say.

What has happened between the last blog and this new one? Much? I dunno. I had a relationship with someone, swamped myself with work, fought with my dad for the nth time, wasted money, time, blah.

Ummm, I dunno what else to put on here or where to start to make this journal sound decent. Maybe I should just put in whatever butts in my mind. Ahh, what about my recent post in facebook? Heehee.

See, I've been going round in circles, but I am somehow managing to make myself survive from all the stress and emotions I have been going through lately. I don't want this journal to sound mushy and all, but, yeah, I went through fry just recently.

Alright, this is what I have in mind right now:

• Juris' song "Di Lang Ikaw"
• Would I look hot if I wore glasses?
• Coffee date with Hazel later tonight
• What gift would Santa give me for Christmas?
• Are dolphins just gay sharks?
• Does God hate poor people that's why tornadoes always hit trailer parks?

Told 'ya I am in doom.

Love Works

Life has it's way of playing us. You see, each time that you get something done or straightened out, the bitch always finds a way to mess itself up. Many people also have written books about the "how to's" and about the "bitch" itself.

Some people say that you could do it. Adjust. Change. Choose this, that. Whatever.

Raise your hand if you already have asked for something to happen. Wished for someone to arrive. Prayed so hard to get something. Worked like a son of a bitch to achieve whatever it is you aimed for. You get one of these things, and the next thing you know, life is already throwing a trick on you.

Here's the deal, I've been praying and hoping for someone to come. Years, I've been patient. Cheesy as it may sound, but I've grown so much, learned a lot, got hurt and dusted myself off. Yes, my friend. Love, indeed. And it, somehow, came.

Here's another deal, there's this dream I've been always wanting to get. I've worked so hard for it, poured so much amount of heart into it, prioritized it, and lived it. Career has always been on the top of the list. It is almost in my reach.

And life said, "thou could only chooseth one."

So here I am now. Caught in the middle of two choices. Two decisions. One I've been fighting like hell to have, and the other one, I've been fighting like hell to get. Circumstances won't allow, and I could not have both.

Come on in. Splurge.

Survival MODE

Wilhelmina Slater (Editor-in-Chief of MODE Magazine) and Betty Suarez (the ex-assistant to Daniel Meade, just got recently promoted as Features Editor) having a conversation at the Meade Publications steam room.

Wilhelmina: Already enjoying the perks, i see?

Betty: Oh! Hello wilhelmina. It's been uh, a rough day.

Wilhelmina: I hope you're not expecting a pet dog.

Betty: No, no, Oh God, no.

Wilhelmina: Good.

Betty: Uhm, being an editor, It's more complicated than I imagined.

Wilhelmina: We're really gonna do this? Wake up and smell the aromatherapy, Betty. Being an assistant is bootcamp. Being an editor is war. You have your allies, you have your enemies. Oftentimes you can't tell which is which.

Betty: Sorta feels like I have more enemies than allies right now.

Wilhelmina: (Smiled and made a short chuckle) Yes you do. Oh and by the way, malaria? Really? Like I'd ever put disease written poor people in the pages of this magazine.

Betty: How did you know about that?

Wilhelmina: I know everything.

Betty: Oh, (paused) how does one survive?

Wilhelmina: You look after yourself. If it means screwing over everyone else, so be it. (Stands up)

Betty: What if you're not that kind of a person?

Wilhelmina: Well then, you change. Or you'll be eaten alive.

** In one way or another, we find ways on how to survive. At first, we do it our way. Other people may see it as lame, weak, or at times, blunt. With both of our ears open we have no choice but to hear them. We hear and look deep into ourselves and have a rain check. Listening is another part of the story. I mean, we could try. But when we look in front of the mirror one day, and don't like what we see because of what we became, that's the time when we fall apart.

Some

See, Thursday is the last day of my work week (at least for the next three months), so that is also the day I could go anywhere before heading straight home. So yesterday, since it's a Thursday I decided to stay a while and eat out with friends, walk slowly, and not be pissed about anything rush. After the 20-minute MRT ride from Ayala to North Station, I thought about taking a look at some shoe stores in Trinoma, which I got a little surprised was not too crowded that day.

I headed to the tech area, which I always visit each time I go there, and hopped to the nearest escalator and went one level up. My next stop was at Powerbooks (which makes me question again why the hell there isn't a Fully Booked store in that mall) and checked if there's any new Mr. Coelho books I am not aware about.

Instead I saw a book, which picture is at the right side, and took it. I was like, "hmmmm." I was reminded about the author's very famous piece, Tuesdays with Morrie and the day that that book landed on my hands and when I started flipping on it's pages. Each chapter of Tuesdays with Morrie felt like an experienced person is reading it to me, or more like sharing his experiences with me. That's one magical piece.

Mitch Albom's latest book - Have a Little Faith - like his earlier work, is based on his own experiences. As I have already read it's first few chapters, it talks about two religious men from two different worlds, that has significantly made a huge impact on the author's life as he shares it with it's readers. His earlier work made me think about what is happening in and around me at some factors of life. This one will surely take care of the "some" that still need to be thought about.

Life needs not to be complicated much than it already is. Glad that there are some workpieces like this one, and craftsmen behind these beautiful works that did not hesitate about taking the time and effort in finding ways on how to extend the experiences that they've had.

As I enjoy my reading over a cup of black coffee.

Another Round

2010.

I never really am a fan of resolutions. I know I would not be able to follow them anyway. But here's the deal, I thought that it wouldn't necessarily mean that you're going to change something that you used to do. It can also be something that you want to start doing. So that's what i'm going to make a list of.

BLOG - Yeah. You see, I have been thinking about how to bust that damn stress off. Maybe I could try.

PHOTOGRAPHS - I've always been a fan. Also one way to relieve stress. (Am I really that stressful?)

SAVE - Surely I have had tried my very best to do so, millions of times before. Shopping is a real enemy. Everybody knows that.

PLACES - Subic and Tagaytay. Those are the only two places that I have visited (Aside from manila - where I work, and Bulacan - where I live). I don't wanna start thinking how big of a loser I look to be.

So there, I kept the list short to make it as believable as possible. It is indeed a new year for us. For most people it could be a brand new start, a new beginning. For some, the reset button has been, once again, pushed; and the hourglass turned around. Life simply goes on. And on.

Blogger-y

I wondered, "am I being productive enough?" The question just popped out of nowhere and I started to play things in my mind. I have a job that keeps me busy most of the time, I spend my rest days mostly at home to make up with the stress of the whole week and get back to work once it is over, and..... that's it! Geez, I never realized that things are getting so much into a routine. My brain should get rusty and dusty in no time.

Then I thought of, what about making a blog? Geez, that was super. lol.

With this one, I'll try my very best for my blog entries not to be dramatic, self-centered, mysterious, and annoying. Of course I have had my blog entries on multiply, and as I re-read them, I questioned myself, "was I drunk while making these entries?" lol.

Anything under the sun. Just to keep my mind working (cos I don't feel like it is, lately).